So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
