the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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