Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
