You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
