508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
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