The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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