I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
