Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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