we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
as a side note pls kill me
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
