I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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