Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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