You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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