WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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