Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
