My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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