Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
tell your sister to shave her snatch
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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