U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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