I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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