just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
