I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
