I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She needs sedatives and a leash
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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