You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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