Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
