i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
