I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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