She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
