so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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