Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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