can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
