You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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