I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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