So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
