I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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