lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
