you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
