9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
