haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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