i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
