Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
