You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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