There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
