i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
