She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
