Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize
