i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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