Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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