So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
