HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
