Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
