she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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