I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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